高中英語語法-習作評析（2）
習作評析（2）
一個星期天的上午，小麗和爸爸一起去公園，碰見了下圖所發生的事情。請根據提示和圖畫內容，用英語寫一則小故事，以便刊登在某一對外發行的英語刊物上。
[注意] 1. 短文必須包括圖畫所表現的主要內容，可以適當增減細節，使其連貫、完整；
2. 詞數：100－120.
[學生原文] One day （1） Xiao Li and her father went to the Peoples Park together. Walking around the park they found out （2） a girl cried by a road. Xiao Li and her father went up to her and asked who she was. But she knew nothing about it. And she didnt even know where she lived. （3） So they were forced to （4） send her to the police station of the park， there （5） she was taken good care of. The news of the girl lost were （6） broadcast. After sometime （7） came in the parents of the girl. They were too excited to see （8） their child. They expressed their thank you（9） to Xiao Li and her father. Then they said good-bye to the girl （10）。
[名師點評]這是一篇記事的短文，考生能夠把握圖畫的要點，并按照故事發生的順序進行寫作，有兩處地方用了現在分詞作伴隨狀語，使短文添彩許多，考生能較好地表達圖畫的內容。但是，考生在運用句型時出現了兩處錯誤，有的詞和詞組的運用欠準確。現把存在的問題逐一分析如下：
（1）One day 與提示的要求不符，應該改為One Sunday morning.
（2）在這一句中，存在句型和詞組的誤用。find out 意為查明，了解（情況），不能用在此處；find作發現某物解時，可以接動詞－ing形式，表示動作正在進行，如：The next morning I found the shoots （秧苗）standing up straight ， not a bit damaged. 也可以接動詞的－ed形式，表示狀態：When I went out， I found the street lined with people waiting for the coming hero.
（3）前邊的三句表述混亂，而且未能切中題意，應該走向前去，問女孩叫什么名字或住在哪里，即We went up to her ， asking what her name was and where he lived.
（4）be forced to 意為被迫，此外用had to 才符合語境。
（5）把there 改為where， where 引導一個非限制性定語從句。
（6）把were改為was，因為news消息，是不可數名詞，謂語動詞用單數。
（7）sometime可以作副詞，表示某時，有朝一日，也可以作形容詞，意為從前的，過去的；some time是一個名詞短語，意為一段時間，有些時候。
（8）too to 意為太不能，表示否定，此處可以改為They were only too excited to see their child. / They were much / very excited to see their child.
（9）Thank you 改為Thanks。
（10）把the girl改為each other，表示在場的人相互道別。
[精品范文] One Sunday morning Xiao Li and her father went to the Peoples Park together. Walking around the park， they found a girl crying by a road. They went up to her， asking what her name was and where she lived. But the girl knew nothing about it. So they had to send her to the police station of the park， where she was taken good care of. The news of the lost girl was broadcast in no time. After some time in came the parents of the girl. They were excited to see their child and expressed their thanks to Xiao Li and her father. Then they said good-bye to each other.
習作評析（2）
一個星期天的上午，小麗和爸爸一起去公園，碰見了下圖所發生的事情。請根據提示和圖畫內容，用英語寫一則小故事，以便刊登在某一對外發行的英語刊物上。
[注意] 1. 短文必須包括圖畫所表現的主要內容，可以適當增減細節，使其連貫、完整；
2. 詞數：100－120.
[學生原文] One day （1） Xiao Li and her father went to the Peoples Park together. Walking around the park they found out （2） a girl cried by a road. Xiao Li and her father went up to her and asked who she was. But she knew nothing about it. And she didnt even know where she lived. （3） So they were forced to （4） send her to the police station of the park， there （5） she was taken good care of. The news of the girl lost were （6） broadcast. After sometime （7） came in the parents of the girl. They were too excited to see （8） their child. They expressed their thank you（9） to Xiao Li and her father. Then they said good-bye to the girl （10）。
[名師點評]這是一篇記事的短文，考生能夠把握圖畫的要點，并按照故事發生的順序進行寫作，有兩處地方用了現在分詞作伴隨狀語，使短文添彩許多，考生能較好地表達圖畫的內容。但是，考生在運用句型時出現了兩處錯誤，有的詞和詞組的運用欠準確。現把存在的問題逐一分析如下：
（1）One day 與提示的要求不符，應該改為One Sunday morning.
（2）在這一句中，存在句型和詞組的誤用。find out 意為查明，了解（情況），不能用在此處；find作發現某物解時，可以接動詞－ing形式，表示動作正在進行，如：The next morning I found the shoots （秧苗）standing up straight ， not a bit damaged. 也可以接動詞的－ed形式，表示狀態：When I went out， I found the street lined with people waiting for the coming hero.
（3）前邊的三句表述混亂，而且未能切中題意，應該走向前去，問女孩叫什么名字或住在哪里，即We went up to her ， asking what her name was and where he lived.
（4）be forced to 意為被迫，此外用had to 才符合語境。
（5）把there 改為where， where 引導一個非限制性定語從句。
（6）把were改為was，因為news消息，是不可數名詞，謂語動詞用單數。
（7）sometime可以作副詞，表示某時，有朝一日，也可以作形容詞，意為從前的，過去的；some time是一個名詞短語，意為一段時間，有些時候。
（8）too to 意為太不能，表示否定，此處可以改為They were only too excited to see their child. / They were much / very excited to see their child.
（9）Thank you 改為Thanks。
（10）把the girl改為each other，表示在場的人相互道別。
[精品范文] One Sunday morning Xiao Li and her father went to the Peoples Park together. Walking around the park， they found a girl crying by a road. They went up to her， asking what her name was and where she lived. But the girl knew nothing about it. So they had to send her to the police station of the park， where she was taken good care of. The news of the lost girl was broadcast in no time. After some time in came the parents of the girl. They were excited to see their child and expressed their thanks to Xiao Li and her father. Then they said good-bye to each other.
