名師批改考研英語作文范文（一）
As is shown in the picture the humans divided alone keep contact with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer ,which is their mainly mean to contact out.In addition,there are spider net between everyone,which lead the people alone.The picture revealed a current social phenomenon that people dependent extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall,which alienateus,meanwhile,it is a net relate us. Whats more worrisome is that they not only contact with strangers with the net,but also families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families destruction.In my opinion,though the association in internet itself gives little cause for criticism,people should use it in a proper way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by computer is OK,but it is indispensable for us to use it in close friends. To have a good result,the society should encourage the people to focus more on the real world and the people themselves should enrich their lives and thoughts.
點評
本篇文章存在一些簡單的語法錯誤，且說服力不夠強。作者在寫作完之后若可以花費幾分鐘時間來回讀文章，并自學庫或語法書，把自己不確定的都弄清楚，那么便會減少不必要的失分。不管什么問題，只有自己查了，才能更好地掌握，希望你在以后的寫作中能夠多注重基礎知識，比如句子的構成。然后可以積累一些好的詞句，并將其運用到自己的練習之中，為自己的文章增彩。
As is shown in the picture the humans divided alone keep contact with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer ,which is their mainly mean to contact out.In addition,there are spider net between everyone,which lead the people alone.The picture revealed a current social phenomenon that people dependent extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall,which alienateus,meanwhile,it is a net relate us. Whats more worrisome is that they not only contact with strangers with the net,but also families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families destruction.In my opinion,though the association in internet itself gives little cause for criticism,people should use it in a proper way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by computer is OK,but it is indispensable for us to use it in close friends. To have a good result,the society should encourage the people to focus more on the real world and the people themselves should enrich their lives and thoughts.
點評
本篇文章存在一些簡單的語法錯誤，且說服力不夠強。作者在寫作完之后若可以花費幾分鐘時間來回讀文章，并自學庫或語法書，把自己不確定的都弄清楚，那么便會減少不必要的失分。不管什么問題，只有自己查了，才能更好地掌握，希望你在以后的寫作中能夠多注重基礎知識，比如句子的構成。然后可以積累一些好的詞句，并將其運用到自己的練習之中，為自己的文章增彩。
